Cry For Me Sky
There are days in this life when all you want to do is break down and cry. Unfortunately that's not always possible. Sometimes, even when it's been a good day, all you want to do is let your hair down, bury yourself in a pillow, and have a meltdown. And sometimes, even when you want to cry, you just can't. While I won't say I have a lot of those days, I can say I have them often enough to understand the frustration of things not going right. Mine is generally caused by massive lack of sleep. By that I mean 5 hours of sleep on a good night and 2 hours of sleep on a bad night for several days on end. Which seems to be pretty much every night lately.
I have been getting roused by one child around 4:00 am, sometimes again at 5:00 am or so, and then again around 6:00-6:30 am, only to just fall asleep and have him want to play from 7:00 am until 9:00-9:30 am. About that time he's ready to fall back asleep (no matter how hard I fight to get him back down) and the other one is ready to be up. So, it's downstairs for potty time, building a fire, switching laundry, picking up, checking the mail, and breakfast. I start my coffee, and put on music to attempt to wake myself up a little. After breakfast, we play, and of course Clay is ready to eat. By the time I've gotten Clay fed, changed, burped and settled back into his play pen, it's time for lunch and then nap time for Sam. In bed and hopefully napping by about 1:30 pm ish assuming she actually naps at all, Clay is wanting to eat again. Typically around 2:30 pm I manage to get him to sleep in his swing for a while. Which gives me until 3:00-3:30 pm when Sam has been waking up. 4:30 pm on a really good day. This is the time I do my work out, reheat my coffee that I still haven't had a chance to drink, and eat something for the first time of the day. Then it's onto the rest of my to do list which lately has included answering emails, doing taxes, changing over the laundry...again, rebuilding the fire, and planning dinner. By then Josh is home, and the kids are both up again and hungry. So of course next on the list is catch up with Josh, while feeding Clay, and making dinner of some kind. After dinner, it's been bath time, playing with the kids and then getting them down for bed. Once the kids go to bed, then Josh has a few minutes to do whatever, and I typically am just finishing getting Clay to bed when Josh is then following him to bed for work the next morning. Now everyone but me is in bed, and I still have dinner to clean up, lunch to make for Josh, bottles to wash, and general whatever I couldn't get to during the day. Sometimes I take a small amount of time to myself just to stay sane. By this time it's midnight or well past it. Lately 1:00 am or so. I crawl into bed after double checking the fire, locking up the house, and shutting off lights. Typically, just as I begin to fall asleep Clay wakes up to be fed again. By the time I get him fed, burped and back to sleep, it's easily 2:00-2:30 am. Now I finally get to go to sleep. Until 4:00 am, when my day starts all over again.
It's days like this that make me wish I had time to actually cry, or even had the ability to. Many times anymore I'm so tired the thought of a good cry just makes it worse. As a kid when I asked what made rain, someone once told me it was the sky crying. So, when I saw that the weather is due to rain, possibly snow (which it did just to prove me wrong) I thought I'd ask the sky to cry for me instead since I don't have the energy to. For all you moms out there with days like this, for those who have work and daily struggles that make you want to cry but can't, and for everyone else who is just having a day, maybe today we can just ask the sky to cry for us. And with a stroke of luck, it might even help someone else too. Next time you think that you just can't bear anymore rain, maybe wonder if someone asked the sky to cry for them. Then go out and enjoy it a little. Maybe it will make that rainbow come out a little faster and make them smile too.
I have been getting roused by one child around 4:00 am, sometimes again at 5:00 am or so, and then again around 6:00-6:30 am, only to just fall asleep and have him want to play from 7:00 am until 9:00-9:30 am. About that time he's ready to fall back asleep (no matter how hard I fight to get him back down) and the other one is ready to be up. So, it's downstairs for potty time, building a fire, switching laundry, picking up, checking the mail, and breakfast. I start my coffee, and put on music to attempt to wake myself up a little. After breakfast, we play, and of course Clay is ready to eat. By the time I've gotten Clay fed, changed, burped and settled back into his play pen, it's time for lunch and then nap time for Sam. In bed and hopefully napping by about 1:30 pm ish assuming she actually naps at all, Clay is wanting to eat again. Typically around 2:30 pm I manage to get him to sleep in his swing for a while. Which gives me until 3:00-3:30 pm when Sam has been waking up. 4:30 pm on a really good day. This is the time I do my work out, reheat my coffee that I still haven't had a chance to drink, and eat something for the first time of the day. Then it's onto the rest of my to do list which lately has included answering emails, doing taxes, changing over the laundry...again, rebuilding the fire, and planning dinner. By then Josh is home, and the kids are both up again and hungry. So of course next on the list is catch up with Josh, while feeding Clay, and making dinner of some kind. After dinner, it's been bath time, playing with the kids and then getting them down for bed. Once the kids go to bed, then Josh has a few minutes to do whatever, and I typically am just finishing getting Clay to bed when Josh is then following him to bed for work the next morning. Now everyone but me is in bed, and I still have dinner to clean up, lunch to make for Josh, bottles to wash, and general whatever I couldn't get to during the day. Sometimes I take a small amount of time to myself just to stay sane. By this time it's midnight or well past it. Lately 1:00 am or so. I crawl into bed after double checking the fire, locking up the house, and shutting off lights. Typically, just as I begin to fall asleep Clay wakes up to be fed again. By the time I get him fed, burped and back to sleep, it's easily 2:00-2:30 am. Now I finally get to go to sleep. Until 4:00 am, when my day starts all over again.
It's days like this that make me wish I had time to actually cry, or even had the ability to. Many times anymore I'm so tired the thought of a good cry just makes it worse. As a kid when I asked what made rain, someone once told me it was the sky crying. So, when I saw that the weather is due to rain, possibly snow (which it did just to prove me wrong) I thought I'd ask the sky to cry for me instead since I don't have the energy to. For all you moms out there with days like this, for those who have work and daily struggles that make you want to cry but can't, and for everyone else who is just having a day, maybe today we can just ask the sky to cry for us. And with a stroke of luck, it might even help someone else too. Next time you think that you just can't bear anymore rain, maybe wonder if someone asked the sky to cry for them. Then go out and enjoy it a little. Maybe it will make that rainbow come out a little faster and make them smile too.
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