When you feel like sinking

 I know I haven't written in a hot minute but gods has there been so much to fill the last two years. Let's not even begin to talk about the pandemic, or the inflation, or politics, or the Urkrainian war, or, well the list could go on forever it seems right now. Mental health? What's that lol? Seriously, sometimes it feels like the whole world has lost it's ever loving mind lately. And worse yet, we all are scrambling to try to find a way to handle it all with no real idea of how to. It seems like everyday there is just more bad news, more shortages, more this, more that, and no end in sight. Sometimes it can be so overwhelming when you just don't feel like you can see the light anymore. 

And I'll be totally honest, finding that light even for me lately has been so hard. I just feel like there is a fog over everything. Like my brain can't focus. As if I'm drowning and can't catch my breath. It's like being in a deep dark ocean with no land in sight and just trying to keep your head above water when the waves want nothing more than to pull you into their emptiness. Your limbs are shivering with the strain of just trying to stay afloat long enough someone might find you. It's the screaming silence around you, and knowing your voice went unheard and no longer has the strength to speak anymore. The sky above you is dark and black and you can smell the rain coming but it hasn't hit just yet. You know it will, but you are just trying to think about the next kick, the next movement towards anything. You can't cry anymore because there are no more tears. The waves swept them away as they crashed over you. All that is left is a sort of numbness and the basic instinct to survive. There is nothing else driving you. Nothing moving you beyond your next breath, the next sweep of your arms to keep you floating, the next kick upwards to keep your head above the water. 

But maybe it's time to stop fighting the waves. To lay back and be still. To float among the waves and regain your strength. To just breathe. Close your eyes, let yourself lean into the waves and let them take you to shore. It may seem like miles before you get anywhere but maybe, just maybe this is a time for you to rest. Even in the midst of the chaos, just rest. Just let got for a little while. You can always start swimming again, but for a moment, just the briefest of seconds, let go. Lay back. Feel the ocean's pull towards the shore, the wind on your cheeks, and instead of fearing the silence, embrace it.

Sometimes we need a little silence in our lives. Sometimes it's to much. When I can't stand the quiet anymore I find quiet instrumental music helps to drown out the silence while still allowing my brain to rest. If you're anything like me don't use classical music. You'll be bouncing around like a conductor at the stand. While fun, it kinda defeats the purpose of letting your brain rest for a few minutes.

You all know that I have two kiddos of my own and finding time to just sit and chill for a minute can be really hard. Actually, it can seem impossible. I love them with everything I am, but even mama needs a break now and again. Sometimes that break comes in the form of letting my hubby take over while I hide away at a bakery to drink a cup of coffee. Sometimes, it's as simple as handing them their kindles and sending them to go play with them in their rooms while I make dinner downstairs. It is all about finding those tiny moments that are enough to keep you from drowning. And believe me, I get how hard it can be to make that time. If you can, start with 5 minutes. I know, I know. But I dont' have 5 minutes. Bitch, yes you do. You take 2 mintues when you wake up before you even get out of bed, and 3 minutes before you fall asleep to just breathe. See? I even broke it up for you. Happy? But seriously, start with that. Then make it 2 minutes before you get up, and 5 minutes before bed. Next thing you know, you are starting the day relaxed and ending it the same. This will help you start a better day, and sleep more restfully at night. Am I a doctor? No. But I've had this reccomended to me by those with PHDs and Masters. So, I'll take their word for it. Also, yoga. Not the whole mediatition inward looking stuff, I'm sure that's helpful too, but I'm just talking about those moments in the stretching that help relax your actual body. It's amazing what just a little stretching does for the mind. 

One last tip for dealing with this total mess of a world before I sign off for the day. Read a fucking book damn it. No, not one about today's news or some work of non-fiction. I'm talking about diving into a world that only exists in the minds of the author and the reader. I've compiled a giant ass list of awesome if you need some suggestions. I'll post them in my next blog or go find my post in the archive about some books. 

That said, I'm going to go take my own damn advice and just relax for a bit.