I've Had It With You Child!
Do you ever have those days where it literally feels like all you've done today is get up, discipline your kid and feed them? Yeah, that's been the last week or so for me. I swear there is a direct correlation between when the kids see their daddy regularly and when they don't. And let me tell you, when they don't all hell breaks lose. You'd think I have a little hellion running wild instead of the sweet kid I know her to usually be. Don't get me wrong, we have our phases of awful, but lately it's seemed to be nothing but awful. One thing after the next with no break in between. If it wasn't the kids, it was something to do with Josh. If not those, it was something else. Finances, parents, other parents, siblings, friends, anything and everything that could go wrong seemed to. Heck even my dishwasher wasn't wanting to behave. And I was at my end.
I can't tell you how many times in the last week alone I've sat down at the end of the day and wanted to cry but was to tired to. Other nights, yeah I'll admit it, I bawled my eyes out in the loneliness of my cold bed. I've called Josh and just lost it because I didn't think I could handle anymore. I've cracked jokes about wanting a stiff drink (mind you I don't drink much anyways and never on bad day) and probably downed my weight in coffee just to survive. My house looked like a couple tornadoes and a hurricane the size of Texas hit it. I was depressed, lost, exhausted, broken, empty of tears, and felt totally alone. I felt like the weight of the world was on my shoulders to bear alone. And I was crumbling to my knees with no way to get back up again. There was no light at the end of the tunnel, and everything was falling to pieces around me. And if I'm honest, it was all falling to pieces in me too. I was so far done, I didn't know how to get back to being human. I hadn't showered in days, barely eaten much of anything, and hardly done my normal hobbies when the kids are asleep. Like reading, blogging, watching my shows, or getting some exercise. It was beginning to show that I was done.
I went to the grocery store with the kids and even the clerk took one look at me and asked if it'd been a long day. At my response of "that's putting it mildly," he said "so a long a** day?" Yeah, that pretty well described it. The people around me could tell, the kids could tell, and I'm pretty sure if we had a pet, it would have been able to tell that I was done. I was done disciplining, and yelling, and spanking, and time outs, and rewards, and taking away things, and explaining, and talking, and everything else under the sun trying to get my kid to understand why she was being naughty.
In utter desperation I called my parents for some much needed advice and reassurance that I'm not the world's worst parent of in all of history. Though I'll admit it sometimes feels like that when I can't seem to get my daughter to behave. After a long conversation with my dad about her and her defiance (because apparently I wasn't as defiant as she is...somehow I rather doubt it) he suggested that I try reading Dr. James Dobson's book "The Strong Willed Child". So I hunted it down on Amazon for my Kindle and sure enough there it was. While I haven't finished it yet (as I just started maybe 20 minutes ago) so far it's already far more help than a lot of the advice I've gotten over the years. It reminded me in the first few pages that I'm not alone. I'm not the only person with a hellion on my hands. It also reminded me that there are ways of dealing with it when all else fails. I'm looking forward to finishing it.
I can't tell you how many times in the last week alone I've sat down at the end of the day and wanted to cry but was to tired to. Other nights, yeah I'll admit it, I bawled my eyes out in the loneliness of my cold bed. I've called Josh and just lost it because I didn't think I could handle anymore. I've cracked jokes about wanting a stiff drink (mind you I don't drink much anyways and never on bad day) and probably downed my weight in coffee just to survive. My house looked like a couple tornadoes and a hurricane the size of Texas hit it. I was depressed, lost, exhausted, broken, empty of tears, and felt totally alone. I felt like the weight of the world was on my shoulders to bear alone. And I was crumbling to my knees with no way to get back up again. There was no light at the end of the tunnel, and everything was falling to pieces around me. And if I'm honest, it was all falling to pieces in me too. I was so far done, I didn't know how to get back to being human. I hadn't showered in days, barely eaten much of anything, and hardly done my normal hobbies when the kids are asleep. Like reading, blogging, watching my shows, or getting some exercise. It was beginning to show that I was done.
I went to the grocery store with the kids and even the clerk took one look at me and asked if it'd been a long day. At my response of "that's putting it mildly," he said "so a long a** day?" Yeah, that pretty well described it. The people around me could tell, the kids could tell, and I'm pretty sure if we had a pet, it would have been able to tell that I was done. I was done disciplining, and yelling, and spanking, and time outs, and rewards, and taking away things, and explaining, and talking, and everything else under the sun trying to get my kid to understand why she was being naughty.
In utter desperation I called my parents for some much needed advice and reassurance that I'm not the world's worst parent of in all of history. Though I'll admit it sometimes feels like that when I can't seem to get my daughter to behave. After a long conversation with my dad about her and her defiance (because apparently I wasn't as defiant as she is...somehow I rather doubt it) he suggested that I try reading Dr. James Dobson's book "The Strong Willed Child". So I hunted it down on Amazon for my Kindle and sure enough there it was. While I haven't finished it yet (as I just started maybe 20 minutes ago) so far it's already far more help than a lot of the advice I've gotten over the years. It reminded me in the first few pages that I'm not alone. I'm not the only person with a hellion on my hands. It also reminded me that there are ways of dealing with it when all else fails. I'm looking forward to finishing it.
Josh was able to be home for a few hours last night and we made dinner together and did dishes. We watched the new movie "Coco" and it also helped me. It reminded me that kids are strong willed, but family is what helps guide them. And sometimes we have to look to those who came before to deal with those who come after. By that I mean parents/grandparents can be a help in encouraging us on how to deal with our kids. "Coco" is a totally tear jerker if you have kids, but it's also a very adorable movie that is pretty culturally on point. (Notice I say culturally not biblically. Just pointing that out for anyone who wants to say I'm encouraging my kids in (add in your own whatever over the top critical point). The point is it's a great movie about family. End conversation.) The songs are cute, and the lights and colors are quite beautiful. All in all well done.
Back to the point. Just having those few hours of time to be with my hubby and relax helped remind me I'm human. I need a break once in a while too. I can't handle everything on my own and I'm not supposed to. While lately it's been a lot of single mom-ing it, I'm not totally alone. And yes, my daughter can be a beastie, but she can be sweet too. This is just a phase. A tough one to be sure, but just a phase. Clayton will eventually sleep through the night, and someday they will both be great adults. But right now I just have to remember, no matter what I'm never truly alone. God has got my back every moment of every day. He has given me people to lean on and reminds me that if I teach my children the right way to go, I've done my best. That's all I can do. The rest is up to Him. I can trust that He's got me, my kids, my hubby, and everyone else. I just need to let go and let Him carry me when I don't have the strength to keep going.
So, with new life breathed in and a cup of coffee downed, I go into the day with a mostly clean-ish house, and a thankful renewed heart to keep going and handle whatever life throws my way.
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