Merry Christmas?
I'm sitting down writing today and yet I really don't know where this particular blog post is going. It's been a day of just cleaning and constantly disciplining the kids and having to hear how I'm not good enough. It's been rough. The kids are being little monsters today, the house looks like a disaster, and I'm losing my mind. Correction, I think I've already lost my mind. There is a mountain of laundry spilling down the stairs, presents covering the laundry room and bathroom, tree needles everywhere, wrapping paper bits scattered like confetti, and my kids managed to throw the kid sized quad down the stairs. There is bubble wrap and popped packing bubbles all over the living room that the kids pulled out of the garbage to pop and then leave everywhere. A small mountain of laundry overflowing on the chair to be folded, and the dishes are all over the counter. The kids have been getting into everything! They've been talked to, yelled at, spanked, and put in time outs. I've spent hours cleaning today and all week in general and the house is still a mess of epic proportions. There is just so much and I don't even hardly know where to begin.
Every time I think I'm starting to get a handle on it something else happens. Last night for example. My son ripped off his diaper and then fell asleep. After having several small bottles of water...well you get the idea. At any rate he woke up just as I was literally about to crawl in bed and started crying because he was wet. His hair was soaked, his pillow was soaked, his blankets were soaked, and I was so done. I cleaned him up as best I could with wipes all while he screamed bloody murder at me like I was trying to kill him. I ran downstairs to get more clean blankets, and wash his bottle just so I could get him tucked back in again. Mind you, I've been having to clean his bed several times this week so I was running low on blankets. The only clean comforter was in the dryer. Eventually I got him back into bed while vowing to myself to get him in the bath at some point today.
This morning rolls around and I'm even more tired than when I went to bed, but I dragged myself out of bed and trudged downstairs to start some breakfast. I finally managed to down part of a cup of coffee and get the kids fed. At this point I was just awake enough to start on cleaning upstairs which has looked like a Louisiana bayou swamp for nearly a month because I was to busy trying to keep downstairs clean. Crocs possibly included. So, off I went to begin to machete my way through the mess. I managed to get a pretty good start and had just started to put Sam's clothes away when I smelled it. A craptastrophe.
My son had not only pooped, he was now fairly well covered in it and leaking into his pants. Awesome. Everything came to a screeching halt as I now needed to throw him into the tub immediately and not at some vague point of the day. Fantastic. I got the tub up and running and tossed him in knowing that since he was actually in the tub, I needed to take the chance to try and finish up getting some more of his hair trimmed. (Any time I come near him or anyone comes near him to mess with his hair, he screams bloody murder. The last time I took him to a barber, he screamed so hard he gave himself a bloody nose. After which I purchased a hair clipper and guards so I could do it here at home and not scare the living daylights out of everyone else. I attempted a while back to get it trimmed up and he screamed...again. I had to throw him in the tub and discovered that if he is in the tub and there is shampoo in his hair he tolerates me trimming the top with scissors. Truly not the most effective or even the best looking, but I do what I can.) At any rate, I decided now would be a good time to try to trim up a bit more. I will admit it's not the greatest hair cut on the planet but when it's pushed to the side, it's not bad. Eventually I got him cleaned up and out of the tub. It was definitely nap time. Except for one tiny little problem. The curtains from the kids' rooms were in the washer, and the kids refuse to sleep with that much light. Yes, you actually need to wash curtains every once in a while. They get very dusty and nasty otherwise. Who knew?
Long story short I finally got both kids to sleep, and managed to get a little bit of a nap. After which has been mostly an adventure in disciplining, trying to feed them dinner, and literally repeating "don't do that" and "pick that up" a thousand times in the last hour alone. Merry Christmas right?
Getting into the Christmas spirit this year has been hard. There has been so much going on, and so many hard things to emotionally deal with that I've been nearly to drained to try to do much for Christmas. Every time I just start to get my usual Christmas spirit going I seem to get kicked in the gut again. Man has it been hard. Mind you I'm usually the Cindy Lou-Who of Christmas, but this year I feel more like the Grinch. I'm sure to some extent it's the seemingly constant getting kicked in the gut, but even still, I try to be the light in the darkness. I try to be the one person in line at the store that can make everyone smile even just for a moment. But how does one continue to try to be Cindy Lou when you feel like you have given everything only to get kicked in return? The answer? You often don't. Instead what happens is you often start to become the Grinch. Mean, angry, impatient, and frustrated. All because you yourself are hurting inside. Yes, you can try to make someone else happy by doing nice things, and that does help. But at some point you need to be poured into yourself by others. This includes church, spouses, kids, friends, whomever happens to be near by. And then we have to hang on tight to those little things to get us through for a while. Christmas is often the hardest part of the year as well as the most wonderful part of the year. Part of it is most people are more aware of lending a helping hand, and part of it is people are just generally happier this time of year. But the darker part is the having lost someone, or the not being able to afford things, or even just the Grinches of Christmas. In the midst of all this there is one thing we need to remember above all else. The reason for Christmas. Christ. We celebrate Christmas as a reminder of when Jesus came to earth as a baby to one day die for us on the Cross. This is the true meaning of Christmas. This is why we can be Cindy Lou-Who even when we feel like we are the Grinch. Christ. He is the light in the darkness.
So who will you choose to be this year no matter what is going on in your life? Cindy Lou-Who or the Grinch?
Every time I think I'm starting to get a handle on it something else happens. Last night for example. My son ripped off his diaper and then fell asleep. After having several small bottles of water...well you get the idea. At any rate he woke up just as I was literally about to crawl in bed and started crying because he was wet. His hair was soaked, his pillow was soaked, his blankets were soaked, and I was so done. I cleaned him up as best I could with wipes all while he screamed bloody murder at me like I was trying to kill him. I ran downstairs to get more clean blankets, and wash his bottle just so I could get him tucked back in again. Mind you, I've been having to clean his bed several times this week so I was running low on blankets. The only clean comforter was in the dryer. Eventually I got him back into bed while vowing to myself to get him in the bath at some point today.
This morning rolls around and I'm even more tired than when I went to bed, but I dragged myself out of bed and trudged downstairs to start some breakfast. I finally managed to down part of a cup of coffee and get the kids fed. At this point I was just awake enough to start on cleaning upstairs which has looked like a Louisiana bayou swamp for nearly a month because I was to busy trying to keep downstairs clean. Crocs possibly included. So, off I went to begin to machete my way through the mess. I managed to get a pretty good start and had just started to put Sam's clothes away when I smelled it. A craptastrophe.
My son had not only pooped, he was now fairly well covered in it and leaking into his pants. Awesome. Everything came to a screeching halt as I now needed to throw him into the tub immediately and not at some vague point of the day. Fantastic. I got the tub up and running and tossed him in knowing that since he was actually in the tub, I needed to take the chance to try and finish up getting some more of his hair trimmed. (Any time I come near him or anyone comes near him to mess with his hair, he screams bloody murder. The last time I took him to a barber, he screamed so hard he gave himself a bloody nose. After which I purchased a hair clipper and guards so I could do it here at home and not scare the living daylights out of everyone else. I attempted a while back to get it trimmed up and he screamed...again. I had to throw him in the tub and discovered that if he is in the tub and there is shampoo in his hair he tolerates me trimming the top with scissors. Truly not the most effective or even the best looking, but I do what I can.) At any rate, I decided now would be a good time to try to trim up a bit more. I will admit it's not the greatest hair cut on the planet but when it's pushed to the side, it's not bad. Eventually I got him cleaned up and out of the tub. It was definitely nap time. Except for one tiny little problem. The curtains from the kids' rooms were in the washer, and the kids refuse to sleep with that much light. Yes, you actually need to wash curtains every once in a while. They get very dusty and nasty otherwise. Who knew?
Long story short I finally got both kids to sleep, and managed to get a little bit of a nap. After which has been mostly an adventure in disciplining, trying to feed them dinner, and literally repeating "don't do that" and "pick that up" a thousand times in the last hour alone. Merry Christmas right?
Getting into the Christmas spirit this year has been hard. There has been so much going on, and so many hard things to emotionally deal with that I've been nearly to drained to try to do much for Christmas. Every time I just start to get my usual Christmas spirit going I seem to get kicked in the gut again. Man has it been hard. Mind you I'm usually the Cindy Lou-Who of Christmas, but this year I feel more like the Grinch. I'm sure to some extent it's the seemingly constant getting kicked in the gut, but even still, I try to be the light in the darkness. I try to be the one person in line at the store that can make everyone smile even just for a moment. But how does one continue to try to be Cindy Lou when you feel like you have given everything only to get kicked in return? The answer? You often don't. Instead what happens is you often start to become the Grinch. Mean, angry, impatient, and frustrated. All because you yourself are hurting inside. Yes, you can try to make someone else happy by doing nice things, and that does help. But at some point you need to be poured into yourself by others. This includes church, spouses, kids, friends, whomever happens to be near by. And then we have to hang on tight to those little things to get us through for a while. Christmas is often the hardest part of the year as well as the most wonderful part of the year. Part of it is most people are more aware of lending a helping hand, and part of it is people are just generally happier this time of year. But the darker part is the having lost someone, or the not being able to afford things, or even just the Grinches of Christmas. In the midst of all this there is one thing we need to remember above all else. The reason for Christmas. Christ. We celebrate Christmas as a reminder of when Jesus came to earth as a baby to one day die for us on the Cross. This is the true meaning of Christmas. This is why we can be Cindy Lou-Who even when we feel like we are the Grinch. Christ. He is the light in the darkness.
So who will you choose to be this year no matter what is going on in your life? Cindy Lou-Who or the Grinch?
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