Those Days of Longing
Ever have those days of longing? Longing for the perfect burger, or pizza, or coffee? Or perhaps the sun, or snow, or (in some strange cases) rain? What about friends, family, or even just someone to talk to? What about love, passion, hope, or maybe a bit of excitement? A day of longing isn't just a day of something inane, or something deep and meaningful. It's merely a day where you are so desperately wanting just one thing anything just might tip you over the point of exhaustion and suddenly waterworks appear. Yup, it's been one of those days. Gamer (and though I've spent stupid amounts of time trying to come up with something better and still no name in sight) has been gone for a week to his CDL training. With two weeks left to go, and a crying, teething, feverish, cranky, deciding to go through the terrible 2's at 15 months, newly walking baby with little food other than pasta, leftover pizza, and chicken in the house and no gas in the car (until about 2 hours ago), I've been having one of those days of wanting nothing more than adult conversation without a baby around for even just 10 minutes. Eventually when I finally broke down and bawled my eyes out, after the baby went to bed, and I'm feeling much better. And now that my rant is up, I'll catch you up on my life here at, well wherever the **** I am. Please excuse my asterisks. Must still be slightly emotional (insert chuckle).
Now where to start. Well how about the last time I actually posted regularly. As of February of last year my hubby, Gamer, and I decided to separate for a time. We both needed time to get our heads on straight and decide where to go from there. Our history, while for the most part was pretty good, also had some pretty rough times. On April 1st (ironic I know) we decided to give it another go for the sake of our daughter. We also decided that it was high time we move elsewhere for a bit to get out of the place where there were a lot of bad memories. So, we hightailed it out to the opposite side of the state. We lived at a camp for 2 weeks, then a campground for a month, and then an adorable cabin while waiting for the renovation on what was to be our new rental to be done. Unfortunately for us, there was no internet or cell service to be found at any of these places. Rather discouraging on one hand but a relief on the other as we had a chance to get to know each other again. It was spectacular! Truly, we found so much common ground again, and fell in love deeper than ever before.
Then the fires hit. We were evacuated out of our beloved home, and fled back to the other side of the state from whence we came for a time. While reading about the devastation is one thing, returning home is another. The hills surrounding our home were charcoal black. And while we still had a home, unlike others who did not, ours and others were saved at the cost of 3 lives. It made a heavy reminder every day that life is short and can be taken at any moment. While having grown up there, and knowing it was part of the job and the way of life, it didn't make it any easier to wake up to every morning until the day we left. Our neighbor and beloved landlords walked through ever step with us right along with all the rest of us there mourning the lost lives. They may be fallen, but they are NEVER forgotten. I, along with so many others, will always carry them in my heart.
The fires finally settled in the fall as the cold began to set in. Our little cabin began to get colder and colder. We worried for our little one as she can't handle the cold as well as adults, and there was no fireplace, just electric heat. The cabin was originally just built for summer use, though it had electric heaters. Then the snow fell, and oh did it come down. The first snow that stuck was over 1.5 feet. Later there was a solid 3 feet. We were caught off guard and had no snow tires. With our rental still not done due to busy sub contractors, we had to make a decision on whether to stay or move yet again. With heavy hearts, many sleepless nights and lots of tears, we moved. Gamer resigned from his job, and we left one week before Christmas. While we returned to celebrate Christmas (and yes I will say Christmas. If you are offended, well, I'm sorry...ish), it wasn't the same. I spent time traveling with my mother seeing family and returned to where we had just moved in about a week later. My sweet Gamer decided to call it Hidden Forest Cabin. It's got a nice ring to it if I do say so myself.
Since then Gamer has gotten a job with an over the road company who does training for the CDL. As his dream is to work with heavy equipment, this was an excellent opportunity. Unfortunately, that also means he had to be shipped out of state for 3 weeks. He's enjoying his course but misses home. I have been unpacking, cleaning, and setting up shop like a fiend. My art/streaming studio is nearly up and running, my book nook is stunning, the nursery (her first) is wonderful, the bathroom and kitchen are both fabulously unpacked, and my bedroom is exactly the way I like it, clean. All that to say the house looks wonderful, and feels almost completely empty. Without Gamer, little Space Monkey and I are at a loss as to what to do with ourselves. Even with our newly adopted from my in laws dog Sasha, we still just aren't complete and it's taking its toll. Thus the Longing Days post. I hope that by getting laundry done and the guest room complete things will begin to feel a little less empty. At least then I have one of his t-shirts to sleep in. Sad, I know, but there it is. Ahh well, I know life will go on and all will be well soon. He's coming home the day before my 25th Birthday. I can't wait.
Well, my dear bloggers, I will see you soon. Perhaps even tomorrow should the little Space Monkey decide to behave for once. Then again, she is my daughter. So it's anyone's guess. I promise to catch you up on the others of Sound Castle (yes it still lives on in us and in this blog even if we no longer live there) and the latest characters to add to our little family in my next post. Good night and may the days of longing stay far away.
Now where to start. Well how about the last time I actually posted regularly. As of February of last year my hubby, Gamer, and I decided to separate for a time. We both needed time to get our heads on straight and decide where to go from there. Our history, while for the most part was pretty good, also had some pretty rough times. On April 1st (ironic I know) we decided to give it another go for the sake of our daughter. We also decided that it was high time we move elsewhere for a bit to get out of the place where there were a lot of bad memories. So, we hightailed it out to the opposite side of the state. We lived at a camp for 2 weeks, then a campground for a month, and then an adorable cabin while waiting for the renovation on what was to be our new rental to be done. Unfortunately for us, there was no internet or cell service to be found at any of these places. Rather discouraging on one hand but a relief on the other as we had a chance to get to know each other again. It was spectacular! Truly, we found so much common ground again, and fell in love deeper than ever before.
Then the fires hit. We were evacuated out of our beloved home, and fled back to the other side of the state from whence we came for a time. While reading about the devastation is one thing, returning home is another. The hills surrounding our home were charcoal black. And while we still had a home, unlike others who did not, ours and others were saved at the cost of 3 lives. It made a heavy reminder every day that life is short and can be taken at any moment. While having grown up there, and knowing it was part of the job and the way of life, it didn't make it any easier to wake up to every morning until the day we left. Our neighbor and beloved landlords walked through ever step with us right along with all the rest of us there mourning the lost lives. They may be fallen, but they are NEVER forgotten. I, along with so many others, will always carry them in my heart.
The fires finally settled in the fall as the cold began to set in. Our little cabin began to get colder and colder. We worried for our little one as she can't handle the cold as well as adults, and there was no fireplace, just electric heat. The cabin was originally just built for summer use, though it had electric heaters. Then the snow fell, and oh did it come down. The first snow that stuck was over 1.5 feet. Later there was a solid 3 feet. We were caught off guard and had no snow tires. With our rental still not done due to busy sub contractors, we had to make a decision on whether to stay or move yet again. With heavy hearts, many sleepless nights and lots of tears, we moved. Gamer resigned from his job, and we left one week before Christmas. While we returned to celebrate Christmas (and yes I will say Christmas. If you are offended, well, I'm sorry...ish), it wasn't the same. I spent time traveling with my mother seeing family and returned to where we had just moved in about a week later. My sweet Gamer decided to call it Hidden Forest Cabin. It's got a nice ring to it if I do say so myself.
Since then Gamer has gotten a job with an over the road company who does training for the CDL. As his dream is to work with heavy equipment, this was an excellent opportunity. Unfortunately, that also means he had to be shipped out of state for 3 weeks. He's enjoying his course but misses home. I have been unpacking, cleaning, and setting up shop like a fiend. My art/streaming studio is nearly up and running, my book nook is stunning, the nursery (her first) is wonderful, the bathroom and kitchen are both fabulously unpacked, and my bedroom is exactly the way I like it, clean. All that to say the house looks wonderful, and feels almost completely empty. Without Gamer, little Space Monkey and I are at a loss as to what to do with ourselves. Even with our newly adopted from my in laws dog Sasha, we still just aren't complete and it's taking its toll. Thus the Longing Days post. I hope that by getting laundry done and the guest room complete things will begin to feel a little less empty. At least then I have one of his t-shirts to sleep in. Sad, I know, but there it is. Ahh well, I know life will go on and all will be well soon. He's coming home the day before my 25th Birthday. I can't wait.
Well, my dear bloggers, I will see you soon. Perhaps even tomorrow should the little Space Monkey decide to behave for once. Then again, she is my daughter. So it's anyone's guess. I promise to catch you up on the others of Sound Castle (yes it still lives on in us and in this blog even if we no longer live there) and the latest characters to add to our little family in my next post. Good night and may the days of longing stay far away.
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