You Fail as a Parent
There's this point in every parent's life when you suddenly hit a wall. This wall seems to be to big to climb, go around, dig under, or drill through. You look at this wall and well let's be honest here, you break down and cry. You feel like a failure. You feel like the world's worst parent because of X, Y, and Z. X- You've spent your whole morning accomplishing nothing more than screaming/disciplining your kid constantly for a whole slew of seemingly endless shenanigans. Y- You can't even get the dishes done without stopping 500 times for hugs, spankings, timeouts, oh and of course the kids beating on each other for no apparent reason. Z- Your kid is a monster...or at least your 99% sure it is. So much so you've even started calling them an it just because you're completely sure this isn't your child. It's a monster that looks, sounds, and even smells like your kid but there's no way this little beasty could possibly have come from your loins. You want to curl in a ball, bawl your eyes out, and then crawl in bed and never come out again while you hide under the covers where no kids can see you. Or well at least you can't see them. You feel like you're the only parent who could possibly be failing this badly in your circle of friends and acquaintances. You want to hide in the locked bathroom and hope the kids don't find you for 5 minutes so you can PIP (aka pee in peace). You're so far done with being a parent for the day you can't even imagine how you're going to survive until that most wonderful time of the day-bedtime.
Though it's bedtime for the kids, not you of course. Because even though they are tucked in, there's a thousand things you need to do. A thousand things that have piled up all while you were desperately trying to not pull your hair out (or possibly the kids') as you dealt with murals of crayon on the walls, and your cup of coffee that was spilled on the carpet as the beasty decided to leap from the coffee table as superman to be victorious over the villainous sibling. The laundry pile has suddenly out of nowhere become the size of Mount Everest and the stuff in the fridge is singing opera every time you open the door as they've been in there so long they've become living. The bathroom is beginning to look like the bottom of the ocean complete with starfish and eels, and you're pretty sure the closets just might eat you if you so much as look at them wrong. But at the same time, the flamethrower you need for the dishes and the machete for the jungle that was once carpet are in the closet. You don't even dare to glance in the kids' room for fear of what may come leaping out of the black hole that is their bedroom. Oh and while it's nearly February, the pines needles that were once a part of your lovely Christmas tree have somehow managed to become a forest in your bed. The kitchen floor is beginning to look as if the master chefs of the world got into a food fight and no one won.
And all while you're trying not to get eaten by the closets or drown on the deep sea diving expedition of cleaning your bathtub, you are hoping that somewhere in the near future you may get some sleep and maybe just maybe even catch up on those shows you've been missing for so long.
Though when you look back at the day, you suddenly realize that even though there was a beasty making life seem impossible, there was a wonderful little child who gave you hugs and told you "I love you." And with that, you begin to take a look at everything else around you with new eyes. The crayons can come off with just a bit of magic eraser, the coffee will come up with some Resolve, and the laundry pile is back to just a large stack rather than Mount Everest. While the singing in the fridge is still there, you can appreciate the dulcet tones for once. The bathroom no longer seems like the ocean floor, and you know that the closets aren't actually going eat you alive. Things don't seem so bad, and even the black holes have seemed to receded a bit. Maybe you can get some sleep tonight.
While this was meant as a somewhat exaggerated view of things, there are days we all feel like this. Like we are the worst parent, spouse, and just general human being. The reality is we always see things worse in our lives than they actually are. It helps to have someone remind you that at minimum you are trying. And that means you actually care. Because you care, it means that you're kids are loved. That at it's bare basic means you're not actually failing. It means you're getting somewhere. Even if you haven't showered for a week and barely had time to look at a cup of coffee, you are still not failing. Caring and loving your kids even when it seems impossible is the most important factor in their lives. While some people might care that your house isn't perfect, they probably don't have kids or they don't remember what having kids was like. So give yourself a break. Sit down and ignore the laundry for once. Instead, watch that show you've been dying to see and drink that cup of coffee you've been needing. Stop berating yourself for all the "new studies" this and "other studies say" that. Most of it's a load of crap anyways that will change in a year with some new study. Just because you aren't parenting the way someone else is doesn't mean you are failing. It means you are trying to do what's best for YOUR kids. So go get 'em tiger!
Though it's bedtime for the kids, not you of course. Because even though they are tucked in, there's a thousand things you need to do. A thousand things that have piled up all while you were desperately trying to not pull your hair out (or possibly the kids') as you dealt with murals of crayon on the walls, and your cup of coffee that was spilled on the carpet as the beasty decided to leap from the coffee table as superman to be victorious over the villainous sibling. The laundry pile has suddenly out of nowhere become the size of Mount Everest and the stuff in the fridge is singing opera every time you open the door as they've been in there so long they've become living. The bathroom is beginning to look like the bottom of the ocean complete with starfish and eels, and you're pretty sure the closets just might eat you if you so much as look at them wrong. But at the same time, the flamethrower you need for the dishes and the machete for the jungle that was once carpet are in the closet. You don't even dare to glance in the kids' room for fear of what may come leaping out of the black hole that is their bedroom. Oh and while it's nearly February, the pines needles that were once a part of your lovely Christmas tree have somehow managed to become a forest in your bed. The kitchen floor is beginning to look as if the master chefs of the world got into a food fight and no one won.
And all while you're trying not to get eaten by the closets or drown on the deep sea diving expedition of cleaning your bathtub, you are hoping that somewhere in the near future you may get some sleep and maybe just maybe even catch up on those shows you've been missing for so long.
Though when you look back at the day, you suddenly realize that even though there was a beasty making life seem impossible, there was a wonderful little child who gave you hugs and told you "I love you." And with that, you begin to take a look at everything else around you with new eyes. The crayons can come off with just a bit of magic eraser, the coffee will come up with some Resolve, and the laundry pile is back to just a large stack rather than Mount Everest. While the singing in the fridge is still there, you can appreciate the dulcet tones for once. The bathroom no longer seems like the ocean floor, and you know that the closets aren't actually going eat you alive. Things don't seem so bad, and even the black holes have seemed to receded a bit. Maybe you can get some sleep tonight.
While this was meant as a somewhat exaggerated view of things, there are days we all feel like this. Like we are the worst parent, spouse, and just general human being. The reality is we always see things worse in our lives than they actually are. It helps to have someone remind you that at minimum you are trying. And that means you actually care. Because you care, it means that you're kids are loved. That at it's bare basic means you're not actually failing. It means you're getting somewhere. Even if you haven't showered for a week and barely had time to look at a cup of coffee, you are still not failing. Caring and loving your kids even when it seems impossible is the most important factor in their lives. While some people might care that your house isn't perfect, they probably don't have kids or they don't remember what having kids was like. So give yourself a break. Sit down and ignore the laundry for once. Instead, watch that show you've been dying to see and drink that cup of coffee you've been needing. Stop berating yourself for all the "new studies" this and "other studies say" that. Most of it's a load of crap anyways that will change in a year with some new study. Just because you aren't parenting the way someone else is doesn't mean you are failing. It means you are trying to do what's best for YOUR kids. So go get 'em tiger!
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