When Life Hits Hard
As I sit here to write this post I can already tell you this is not one of my fun posts. This one is going to be very, very hard. Gamer and I's life has been flipped upside down. For starters, Gamer broke his wrist in a fall while horsing around with some friends. So he will be out of work for several weeks while he is in a cast. Which is going to be interesting for sure. He is not in a lot of pain and managed to just crack a bone in the wrong spot so it's not as bad as it could be but he's still hurting some.
While Gamer's wrist is important, what has us both worried is the fact that my doctor sent us to a specialist for an ultrasound on Little Clayton. We went and were told that our little boy has what appears to be a sist in his abdomen. While it doesn't appear to be harming him in any way, if it doesn't go away we will have to have it removed immediately after birth. We are hoping it doesn't get worse and that it goes away. Which according to the doctor is possible. Please, please, please pray for our little one. I love my children more than life itself, and am always worried about them being healthy enough, even when I know they are. So to hear this about my little boy has me very concerned. I honestly am not entirely sure how to deal with this mentally and emotionally. I do well with logic, but emotions not so much. I'm also the "worst case scenario" type of person. So the worst cases are always running through my head so when it's not as big of a deal, it's less stressful. Unfortunately in a situation like this where you can't tell anything major for nearly another month, that doesn't help a whole lot. And we won't know completely until he's born exactly what condition our little guy is going to be in. The waiting is killing me. I just want to hold my boy in my arms and know he's ok. To know that he's healthy and happy.
I know there are mothers out there who have it much harder than I do, but a friend of mine once told me "My pain and your pain aren't more or less than each other. They are simply different." This is my pain for today. My weight, my burden. And I'll admit it. I'm sitting here bawling my eyes out as I write this, which is rare thing indeed. But there it is. No more hiding that I'm ok. No more pretending that the world around me doesn't feel like it's falling apart. Gamer and I will get through just like we always do. Together, one day at a time. Just like it's supposed to be.
While Gamer's wrist is important, what has us both worried is the fact that my doctor sent us to a specialist for an ultrasound on Little Clayton. We went and were told that our little boy has what appears to be a sist in his abdomen. While it doesn't appear to be harming him in any way, if it doesn't go away we will have to have it removed immediately after birth. We are hoping it doesn't get worse and that it goes away. Which according to the doctor is possible. Please, please, please pray for our little one. I love my children more than life itself, and am always worried about them being healthy enough, even when I know they are. So to hear this about my little boy has me very concerned. I honestly am not entirely sure how to deal with this mentally and emotionally. I do well with logic, but emotions not so much. I'm also the "worst case scenario" type of person. So the worst cases are always running through my head so when it's not as big of a deal, it's less stressful. Unfortunately in a situation like this where you can't tell anything major for nearly another month, that doesn't help a whole lot. And we won't know completely until he's born exactly what condition our little guy is going to be in. The waiting is killing me. I just want to hold my boy in my arms and know he's ok. To know that he's healthy and happy.
I know there are mothers out there who have it much harder than I do, but a friend of mine once told me "My pain and your pain aren't more or less than each other. They are simply different." This is my pain for today. My weight, my burden. And I'll admit it. I'm sitting here bawling my eyes out as I write this, which is rare thing indeed. But there it is. No more hiding that I'm ok. No more pretending that the world around me doesn't feel like it's falling apart. Gamer and I will get through just like we always do. Together, one day at a time. Just like it's supposed to be.
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